April Fools

I thought perhaps I'd be thanking everyone for congratulating me on my Dollar Tree purchase today. The good news is that only one dollar was wasted on my failed April Fools fun. I should have known that everyone would call me out on my prank. My friends are just too smart to be fooled, and I've learned a very important lesson. Never announce a pregnancy on April first. No one will sincerely congratulate you.

Just to clarify, we are not, I repeat, NOT expecting another baby. Please spread the word. No baby bumps here. I'm still working on losing the last one.

April Fools Day fun has a long history in my family. My first April Fools memory is from when I was five. My mom woke me and my three siblings (my younger brother wasn't born for two more years) with frantic cries to run downstairs. The house was on fire, she screamed. We all sprang from our beds and ran bleary-eyed down the stairs to find a giant stuffed Easter bunny and my dad bellowing with laughter at our disoriented compliance.

I have about a zillion more stories from my childhood like this, because, as you can imagine, my parents love a good practical joke, as long as it's not at their expense. Having been the recipient of so many lovingly executed, character-building pranks, I have learned a few things over the years about how to pull one off.

A good April Fools prank has two components. 1. It must be believable, and 2. it must generate an emotional response. Fear, happiness, hysteria, excitement. It doesn't matter. As long as the prankee believes the pranker and reacts emotionally, a successful April Fools prank has been played.

My mom's secret weapon for pulling off an April Fools prank is disorientation. She always prays on her victims at dawn, before their minds are fully functional. Knowing this, I wasn't surprised when my phone rang at 6:11 this morning. I answered it, and of course, it was my mom on the other end of the line. She excitedly relayed the information that my sister-in-law was on her way to the hospital to deliver my new nephew, my younger brother's contribution to the grandkid pool. Having already planned and scheduled my prank to publish at midnight pacific time, I was well aware of today's date and called her out on her story immediately. She was still, nonetheless, pleased with her cleverness. She'd already pranked both my brothers, one of which she'd had buying her baloney for a full ten minutes.

The idea for my prank came from a recent conversation with my mom in which she revealed her secret desire to have a dozen grandchildren. My newest nephew will bring her total to 11, but it was up to me to get her to that magic number 12. I suggested that perhaps some of my siblings could make her dream come true. After all, I've already done more than my fair share by giving her three, and my younger brother is only on his first. With disappointment in her voice she said, "He says they're only going to have one, and everyone else says their done too. It's up to you to make it happen. I'm counting on you."

With that in mind, I set out to prank my mom by publishing an ambiguous picture of a pregnancy test with no explanation. The only problem with my plan was the time difference. Before mom ever saw the post, friends in Africa, Asia and Europe were calling me out on my announcement, and my fun was spoiled. I have to hand it to my mom. Even though she was on to my game, she played along, posting this cryptic comment in all caps: "I KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER FOR YOU. A MOTHER ALWAYS KNOWS!" She wanted to fool my friends as much as I wanted to fool her. She is still the master of pranks.

Perhaps next year I will have more success, but for now, I still have 13.5 hours left of April Fools fun and only three hours until Jacob gets home from school. The tradition must live on. Any suggestions?