Whether you know it or not from reading this blog, my husband works for
the U.S. Foreign Service, which means, by default, I am also in the
foreign service. It's a lifestyle, and I have a love/hate relationship
with it. I love the idea of traveling the world in service to our
country, but as most of you know, our first post is Tijuana, Mexico. We
didn't exactly get very far on our journey to globetrotting, government
service bliss. Some people even call this post Foreign Service Lite,
but I'll have you know that we still deal with some serious foreign service issues. And that's why I've composed this list of Five Things I
Hate about the Foreign Service, because it hurts when people don't take
you seriously.
1.
Acronyms. Everything has an acronym, and acronyms make my head hurt. Just spell it out already people! The Foreign Service
Institute offers classes in nearly every language spoken in the world,
but not government-ese. Now I'd sign up for that one.
2. Worldwide Availability. When Chris took this job, he agreed
to live anywhere in the world based on the needs of the service. That's
all fine and good, but do you realize how big the world is? That is a
lot of choices. I'm like a toddler; I need boundaries. Can't someone
just narrow it down to three places instead of giving me a monster bid
list to comb through every couple of years?
3. Waiting. No matter what it is, the policy seems to be hurry
up and wait. I submitted paperwork for my security clearance to start
my job two months ago (because they needed it right away), and it wasn't
until last week that everyone I've known for the past 10 years was
contacted and asked disturbingly personal questions about me. Hurry up
and wait. When we arrived at post, they had to take my picture for my
badge THAT day even though two out of three kids were having atomic
meltdowns and I had baby slobber all over my shirt. Then it took them
nine months to get around to issuing it to me. Hurry up and wait.
4. Smart People.
It's exhausting being around smart people all the time. I have to stay
up on all my current events and act like I know what I'm talking about
all the time. You just never know when someone's going to say, "Did you
see that article on Vladimir Putin?" Imagine how silly I would look if
I said, "Yeah. I really think he's going to win Dancing with the Stars
this season." (By the way, he would totally win. He is a black belt in
Judo after all. That's just got to translate into some mad dancing
skillz.)
5. Shop talk. To the outside world, being a
diplomat seems like an interesting job, but for a first tour entry level
officer, it's a whole lot of redundancy and visas. And for some
reason, they just can't leave it at the office. It comes home to the
dinner table. I thought it would be all "Secretary Clinton and I had a
nice chat today. She said I was brilliant." But instead it's "I
churned out 184 visas today. I totally smoked Bob." I can't be alone
in this. I'm sure that lawyers' wives get tired of hearing about
depositions and settlement negotiations and doctors' wives get tired of
hearing about bunions and brain surgery and plumbers' wives get tired of
hearing about clogged drains and the "Mushroom Kingdom." It's not that
we (I speak for spouses everywhere) are not supportive. It's just that
we're bored. But we still love you anyway.
So there you have it folks. Exactly five things I hate about the Foreign
Service. If it's not on the list, I don't hate it, which doesn't
necessarily mean that I love it. I just don't hate it.
And you were expecting something scandalous, weren't you?
