Virtually Confused

Most of my calls have been going straight to voicemail lately, mostly because of this.


Andrew seems to think that the Vonage box is really cool, and unfortunately, the Vonage box does not agree with his ever-so-gentle handling. I usually realize the phone is no longer accepting calls when I get an email alerting me to the fact that I have a virtual voicemail. And oh how I love those emails.

Much to my amusement, every time Vonage converts a voice message to text, it gets it horribly wrong. The messages are always confusing, often comical and occasionally controversial. I like to play a game with a friend who also has Vonage called "Stump the Visual Voicemail." In these messages, I randomly insert words like "poodle," "hooker," or "antidisestablishmentarianism." I'm sure she really enjoys messages from me.

The truth is I don't even need to go to such links to stump the visual voicemail. It's confused enough without my help. I know you're all just dying to read some examples, so here you go. I'll let you decide in which category they belong.

Controversial, Confusing or Comical

1. From my mom: "I hope Andrew Center her daughter bought wasn't anything in." Yeah. About all I got out of that one was Andrew's name.

2. A message from Chris ending in "promise I love you." Why does he need to promise? Was his love for me in question?

3. From my younger brother calling with condolences: "Hey Lisa, this is Randy. I sorry about that. I really hate you." At least it was just me and not Chris that he hated, since he was actually calling to say that he hated to hear that Chris's mom had passed.

4. From the satellite installation guy: ""Hi, it's Jennifer. Call me back if you get the easy eggs." Who is Jennifer and what does she want with my eggs?

5. From my friend whose voicemail I try to stump: "You're wonderful and have it up in the mail. Give me a holler if you want me to come and do some women." So Vonage got the wonderful part right, but I have no idea what she had up in the mail, and I'm pretty sure I never asked her to "do" any women.

6. And another one from my mom (she calls a lot): "Hello Colleen Lowe it's I just looked at the clock and I'll probably come like to get off the bus but we are at a KFC picking us up. " I have no idea who Colleen Lowe is or what she's doing with a bus, but I hope my mom enjoyed her chicken.

7. From a friend in Georgia (the state not the country): "Hey girl, it's me. So so much I do off. I'm guessing somebody is playing with the Vonage box." They're on to you, Andrew.