I got a Roomba

And it only took eight months to activate. My floors haven't been this clean since Benjy started walking.


The Roomba, A.K.A. Andrew, is crawling everywhere and sucking up everything along the way. No space is too small for him to squeeze into, and no object is too gross for him to eat.

Andrew simply wants to taste the whole world, as if it were all made by Willy Wonka. Of course, if the world were made by Willy Wonka, I'd be on all fours licking the carpet lint with him. Mmmm, peanut butter cups.

Like a Roomba, Andrew moves about the apartment magically making trash disappear. Unlike a Roomba, he cannot be controlled with the push of a button. To change his direction, I must pick him up, turn him around, and encourage him to follow a new path-- preferably one that does not lead to the bathroom. Then I have about 2 minutes to get something done before I have to rescue him from whatever new "fun" he has found-- like the doorstop. He just can't get enough of that boing sound and that yummy rubber cap.


It took him a couple of days to warm up, but now Andrew is crawling with passion, and he is devilishly fast. His mission is to experience his world, one piece at a time, by savoring it in his mouth. I could give you a comprehensive list of all the things I've pulled out of his mouth lately, but it would probably be easier to just list the things he hasn't managed to taste-test. Thankfully the toilet is on that list, but just barely. It narrowly escaped his scientific experiments when I interceded on its behalf. Yay me.

I see a baby gate in our future. And maybe a real Roomba. Yeah, that's what I need-- a robot vacuum to clean up before the human vacuum takes over. I wonder which one would clean better...

"It wasn't me."