Are we there yet?

We are almost to the end of our 11 day road trip across the United States. Tomorrow we travel the final miles and cross the border to our new home in Tijuana, Mexico. While it hasn’t all been License Plate Bingo and sing-alongs, having five people crammed into an SUV with too much luggage has gone better than expected. But next time we decide to drive across the greater portion of the U.S., I want an RV.

All this time for family bonding has been a definite learning experience for us all. Out of necessity, we compiled a list for our darling children to help them remember appropriate car etiquette. Feel free to adapt it to your own children. This list is not exclusive, and can be modified to accommodate any annoying behavior. 

Dearest Jacob, Benjy and Andrew,

There are just certain things that should never be done/said on a road trip unless you want to be left on the side of the road. The following lists examples of such behavior:

1. Asking “Are we there yet?” Yes. Yes you are. Wherever there is, there you are on the side of the road.
   
   
2. Making the sound of the Emergency Broadcast System. This is not a test. This is an actual emergency. You will be walking the rest of the way to Tijuana on the side of the road.
   
   
3. Chanting of any kind. McDonald’s, McDonald’s, McDonald’s will only get you an “Unhappy Meal” of stale crackers and water on the side of the road.
   
   
4. Announcing you have to pee two minutes after the last stop. When you’re under the age of 8, the world is your urinal, when you’re walking the rest of the way to Tijuana on the side of the road.
   
   
5. Shouting “Go to sleep!” in the face of your baby brother who has been screaming for 30 minutes. Don’t worry. Andrew will go to sleep just fine when you are on the side of the road.
   
   
6. Telling the same knock-knock joke over and over and over again. “Knock-knock.” “Who’s there?” “Pie face!" (insert hand gesture of pie to the face) is funny the first 20 times Benjy does it. Not so funny when Jacob starts doing it too. You can tell your knock-knock joke as many times as you want to each other on the side of the road.
   
   
7. Using the word “whatever” in response to “Look at that beautiful sunset/mountain/painted desert.” Mario and Luigi may be super interesting while in the backseat of the car, but you will have plenty of time to enjoy the scenery when you are on the side of the road.
   
   
8. Singing one line from a song over and over and over again. Believe it or not there are actually more than six words to that song. Perhaps you can remember the rest of them when you are on the side of the road.
   
   
9. Calling out driving directions from the back seat. While we understand that your vast amount of driving experience may qualify you to give directions, they are unsolicited. We have GPS. You can use your directions to direct your feet when you’re walking on the side of the road.
   
   
10. Singing the Birthday Song. News flash: It’s nobody’s birthday. Perhaps the wildlife will enjoy your tune as you sing it on the side of the road.
    
    
11. Kicking the driver’s seat to the tune of the Birthday Song or any other song, nursery rhyme or ditty that amuses you. Your feet will be put to much better use on the side of the road.
    
    

Amazingly enough, none of our children have actually been left on the side of the road-- yet. We were tempted to throw them into this New Mexican volcano we hiked around on though.  Much to Jacob and Benjy's dismay, we were about 10,000 years too late to find it spewing lava. "Whatever."

Benjy and Jacob with lava rocks