Wishful Wednesday: Romantic Dental Edition

I wish every holiday did not revolve around candy. Candy is not good for your teeth.

I wish my children didn’t have the ability to sniff out candy like bloodhounds tracking a criminal. I keep hiding it. They keep finding it.

I wish I could channel their super powers towards sniffing out important things-- like sippy cups, binkies, and remote controls.

I wish the remote control had a paging feature like the telephone. I would push a button on the TV, and the remote would beep until I find it. Think of the time saved from searching couch cushions and houseplants. 

I wish everyone had a toddler so they would understand why a remote control might end up in a houseplant.

I wish my husband had bought me something as romantic as a houseplant for Valentine’s Day. I’m not sure my little heart can handle another Valentine’s Day spent in a dentist's chair. Although, I must admit, I am an all-star at the dentist’s office. I haven’t had a cavity in 24 years!

I wish I would stop bragging about my dental record.

I wish my husband would try not to be so clever with his gifts. His and her dental appointments really send a mixed message. “I love you so much that I care about your smile,” or “I love you, but I wish your breath smelled better.” Most husbands probably just give a dozen roses, but that’s too cliché for my man. 

I wish I hadn’t laughed when he told me that romance begins with a clean mouth. (Laughter only encourages him.) Isn’t the saying “every kiss begins with Kay” not fluoride?

I wish Kay Jewelers would stop advertising the open heart necklace. Does anyone even buy this crap? It looks like an ugly sparkly snake. Even dental appointments are more romantic than a diamond clad viper hanging from your throat. Seriously, I’d rather wear a toothbrush.

I wish I hadn’t just written that. Now I’ll probably get a toothbrush necklace for our next anniversary.

I wish I hadn’t trained my husband to be so practical. There have been times in our marriage that he would have been in trouble for wasting money on something as frivolous as flowers.

I wish he knew that this is not one of those times-- cliché or not.

I wish I could say that this was the most unusual gift I’ve ever received from him. However, Tweety Bird pajama pants circa 2005 comes to mind. Nothing kills romance like purple flannel with giant yellow cartoon birds.

I wish that my practical husband and I may never lose our sense of humor. A couple that laughs together will surely always have happiness.