Polillo Enemy #1

The Family vs. Andrew, A.K.A. "Smiley Face"

Accused of deliberately trying to sabotage the morning routine and make Jacob miss the bus.

Plea: Not guilty

Arguments:
 Everyone woke up in pleasant moods this morning, even Benjy the Terrible, who prefers that people not speak to him until he's downed his first cup of milk. Andrew played quietly in his exersaucer, Jacob and Benjy watched cartoons and ate breakfast, and I actually blow dried my hair for a change. Everyone got dressed without a fuss, brushed their teeth without a fuss, and even put on their shoes without a fuss. Everything was going perfectly until 8:07 a.m.. That's when Andrew implemented Operation Blowout.

At 8:03 a.m. I had picked up Andrew to check his diaper. Yesterday he'd had a last minute blowout that had left us running for the bus. I wasn't going to let that happen again. The diaper was clean and dry. I'd placed Andrew back in the exersaucer so that I could brush Benjy's teeth. Then I told Benjy to get in the stroller, told Jacob to get his bookbag and picked up Andrew once again to put him in the baby carrier/sling. It was 8:07 a.m. That's when I realized that not only had Andrew pooped, but we were both covered in it.

 I rushed him to the changing table and tried to peel away his clothes. I'll spare you all the gross details, but just know that his blowout had defied gravity and diaper and was literally up to his ears. Wet wipes just didn't cut it. I finally got him cleaned up and clothed, and I had almost run out of the house when I realized that I was shirtless. That was at 8:13 a.m. So I ran back to my room, grabbed the first shirt I saw, heaved Andrew into the sling, pushed Benjy back into the stroller and Jacob and I ran like the dickens down the hall to the elevator. The microwave clock said 8:15.

Now the bus is suppose to come at 8:21. However, at 8:18 as we dodged construction workers and weaved through the dumpsters lining the parking lot on the way to the bus stop, we saw the bus pulling away. Holy crap, to say the least.

Jacob thought this was hilarious. For some reason, he thought that if he missed the bus, he would just get to stay home for the day. He was laughing and congratulating Andrew until I informed him that now my day was completely ruined since I had to drive him to school, and he was going to be late. A little melodramatic to be sure, but at that moment, I was beyond frustrated. Jacob's a smart kid, so he shut up, and we all turned around to make the shameful missed-the-bus walk back to our apartment, so I could get my purse.

 We tried to keep a low profile heading back, but we couldn't escape the well-intentioned Queens of Obvious who told us with such pity on their faces that we had just missed the bus. It's not like I wasn't going to tell everyone this story, obviously; it's just I wasn't ready to talk about it yet. I was still trying to control my temper, so I gritted my teeth and tried to respond pleasantly. I don't pull off "fake" very well, so I probably scared them. Oh well.

Jacob finally did make it to school this morning, and he was only about 20 minutes late. It didn't even ruin my day, although I did realize when I got home that I had put a white shirt over a black bra. Oops. Thanks to carpool, which I have been loving all this week, our morning misadventure didn't even affect Benjy's day. He made it to school right on time.
 
This all could have been avoided if I had only known how to control Andrew's poop schedule.  And when I figure out how to do that, I'll be selling that secret to the highest bidder.

Defendant's response: I love you, Mommy.