Of Pipes and Sofas

My boys and I play a game called "I love you more," which basically consists of us trying to one up each other on whose love is the biggest. I started it with Jacob a few years ago. He will tell me that he loves me more than all the M & Ms in the world and I will tell him I love him more than all the Skittles in the world, etc. It's silly, but he loves it and so do I.


Benjy has just recently started playing, and he hasn't quite gotten the hang of it altogether, but he's getting better. Last week, he would only say, "Me love you a house," and no matter how I responded, he would tell me over and over that he loved me a house. Recently, he's expanded the game to include other objects, like a car and a couch.


This morning Benjy crawled in bed with me and started the game. He started with his usual, "Me love you a house," and moved down the list. Finally he said, "Me love you orange pipes."


Orange pipes?


Strange, I know, but I must remind everyone that we live at Oakwood, the State Department's answer to temporary, furnished housing during training. And this week at Oakwood, our apartment received brand new orange piping that runs the length of both bedrooms and all down the halls of our building. (At some point, they will be part of a sprinkler system). So at that very affectionate moment, Benjy was staring directly at orange pipes. Everyone try to conceal your envy.


Benjy and Jacob were actually incredibly excited about the orange pipes, because we were banished from our apartment for the day during the installation, and instead, we were offered a tiny studio apartment. So while I was trying to figure out how I was going to keep my three kids plus the extra kindergartner from swinging from the vertical blinds out of boredom, they were exploring every drawer and cabinet in the tiny apartment. Did I mention it was raining? The apartment was pronounced "awesome" by Jacob, mainly because it had two televisions, one on either side of the tiny room. And the best part was that the remote worked both televisions, so every time I would turn one off, the other one would turn on. Okay, so my kids are easily amused.


The problem is that it only takes a few minutes to explore every corner of a studio apartment, and after said few minutes, I had three kids fighting over who got to sit on two bar stools, which are not included in two bedroom apartments. Did I mention that school gets out early every Wednesday? So I loaded everyone in the car and went to McDonald's for ice cream and an indoor playground. And even though that fun event ended with a playground brawl, it kept us all entertained for a couple of hours as I counted down to 5:00 p.m., when we could once again go home.


When we got back to our apartment that evening, Benjy was so excited to see that the orange pipes from the hallway were now in both bedrooms. He pointed them all out to me and told me over and over again how much he liked them. So this morning when he said, "Me love you orange pipes," what he really meant was that I was a pretty cool mommy.


Which brings me to today. This pretty cool mommy was tired this morning, and Andrew's schedule was off due to yesterday, so we didn't get moving until 7:30. I was able to get all the kids ready and pack Jacob's lunch, but that was about it. I wore a baseball cap and tried to hide out under my umbrella at the bus stop, which was a kindness to my neighbors and not a slight. If you've ever seen me without my makeup, you will understand this.


After the bus and the Benjy exchange, I headed home where I got distracted by breakfast, laundry and Facebook. And so it came to be that I was showering at 10 a.m. I was drying off from my shower when I heard a knock at my door. I quickly put on my robe and hurried to the door, but apparently I wasn't fast enough, because my apartment was being invaded by two men. And that's when I lost it. I mean do I have to put the freaking chain on the door every time I go to the bathroom?


I have been patient through seven months of renovations. I have dealt with only one elevator and at times no elevator. I've been patient with temperamental internet service. I've tolerated work crews everywhere, and I mean everywhere. They're in the hallway, in my apartment, in the front parking lot, in the back parking lot, hanging off our building, and blocking the sidewalks. I wind my way through their projects and share elevators with them. I have tuned out the hammering and the drilling and even the random dumpster beeping. And I usually don't complain.


But when they walked into my apartment today while I was practically naked, I had had enough. Of course, the guys apologized profusely and they tried to leave as quickly as they had come, but not before I could find out what they wanted. They were busting in on me to deliver a new couch, just as I had requested two days before. I was somewhat appeased, and I didn't even call to complain.


That is, until they came back this afternoon with the "new" couch. Imagine my surprise and aggravation when I realize that the "new" couch wasn't the comfy blue ones I'd seen in the newly renovated apartments, but the same gray, flat-cushioned, horribly uncomfortable couch I was trying to escape. Seeing as how the guys didn't speak English very well and I don't speak Spanish very well, they were completely confused as to why I was refusing the new couch. So they came back with their supervisor. And I explained to him that I knew about the new couches and I wanted one. I told him that I had lived here since February and I would be here until December, and I just wanted to spend the rest of my time sitting on a decent piece of furniture. He told me he would see what he could do.

Chris and Jacob sinking into the offending furniture

Did I mention that I had to call them again today because the ceiling started leaking in the kitchen?


Despite all the hassle of the construction everywhere, I still love living at Oakwood. They have great activities every day of the week, and they do a fantastic job creating a fun, family environment. And, they've recently installed a fancy coffee machine in the lobby. Plus, we've lived in worse places. And I live here free, and I have complimentary weekly maid service. Now, I feel like a whiner.


I just want a new couch before my mother gets here next Tuesday. Please.