When Glow Sticks Attack

Jacob almost died tonight.  At least that's how he tells the story.

We were having an uneventful evening until death came knocking at Jacob's door.  Despicable Me was blaring from the television in Spanish, Chris was playing on his i-Pod, and I was just sitting down to the computer.  Everyone was calm.

Until the incident.  

A high pitched scream pierced my ears coming from the direction of the boys' room.  I paused, not wanting to rush to referee another squabble between brothers, but the wailing grew more persistent, panicked and pained.

"I'm dying!" screamed Jacob.  "Help me!  I'm dying!"

I ran into the room expecting to find him trapped under a fallen dresser with a giant spider crawling across his face and blood spurting onto the carpet.  By the insistence of his screams, death had to be imminent.  

Jacob's eyes were scrunched tight, his mouth was wide with terror and his face was spotted with glowing blue dots.  His glow stick had attacked!

And that's when I laughed.  I know, I'm a bad parent.  But I also know that glow sticks are non-toxic. (Last year, Benjy tried to eat one, and Crystal at Poison Control was very helpful-- and unconcerned.)

"Stop laughing," he screamed.  "I'm dying. I'm dying... Just let me die." 

I really did try to stop laughing.  I cleaned him up and poured half a bottle of saline into his eyes, all while he continued to scream.   

Five minutes later, he had a miraculous recovery.

Unfounded statistic: Glow stick related deaths account for 0.2 % of melodramatic fatalities each year.

Dramatic reenactment