8 Excuses That Can Change Your Life

First of all, I'd like to thank both the people that are still reading this blog and apologize to them for not doing a better job of keeping them updated.  I'm sorry, but I do have a really good excuse. Actually, I have eight.

I couldn't blog because...

1.  I was feeding the hungry.  Serving up mac and cheese night after grueling night to the starved eyed little vultures I call children will keep a girl distracted.

2. I was hoarding Twinkies-- except I'm not a very good hoarder and Twinkies are pretty gross.  Unless they're deep fried, and then they're delicious. Mmmm. 

3. I was brainstorming the next great American vampire novel because really, the world doesn't have enough of those yet.  I watched that movie Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and then that got me thinking that maybe President Obama is a vampire hunter too and how I should write a really awesome book about how President Obama hunted down Osama bin Laden, who was really a vampire but no one knew it, and assassinated the undead out of him.  Right?  Right... (By the way, this is in no way an endorsement of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter the movie.  That, my friends, was garbage and nothing like the delightful tale of heroism I'm going to pen.  I wish I could get my $1.20 back from Redbox on that one.)

4.  I was solving the economic crisis one Amazon purchase at a time.  Seriously.  There was one week where a smiley faced Amazon box showed up on my doorstep every single blessed day.  I've also been avoiding my mailman since then.

5. I was totally almost captured by hillbillies, but I'll have to tell you about that another day.

6. I was helping find the cure for cancer, and when that cure is officially found, I expect to be recognized with a medal for every single penny I dug out of my couch and gave to my kids so they could take them to school and put them in a jar so their class could compete against all the other classes for the most money collected for cancer research.  You're welcome.

7. I was negotiating with terrorists, I mean a toddler.  Just this week, I negotiated a volatile situation involving a mini briefcase filled with plastic Barbie cutlery at a church yard sale, and I'm happy to report that no one was stabbed with any tiny forks.  I'm just going to say it.  If President Obama is looking for someone to negotiate weapons of mass destruction out of the hands of small people, I'm ready.  And I would do it too, because I love my country that much.  And I have a few minutes to spare after baths before I pass out on the couch watching How I Met Your Mother.

8.  I was moving from Mexico, driving cross country, renting a house, turning on utilities, receiving two shipments, unpacking, getting the kids in school, and settling into a new life and dealing with all the emotional baggage that comes with change for three little people and one overwhelmed ME-- mostly without my husband.  But those are just the boring parts. 

Next time you're looking for a good reason to get out of doing something, feel free to adapt any of these eight excuses to your situation.  I guarantee that one of them will work if you tattoo it on your face.  It just means more if you make that kind of commitment.