Show Me the Money

So I was reading some blogs today while eating my breakfast, and I read a very interesting post in which one of my friends mentioned that she had made a contract with her husband to not cut her hair for two years. He liked long hair; she liked it short. They reached an agreement that she would let her hair grow long for two years, and he would pay her to do this. Which leads me to this thought.


I could be getting paid?


So I took a minute to tally up a reasonable "bill" for my services.


* Cook: 3 meals/day (cereal and frozen pizza count) x 5 days/week (allowing for the occasional take-out, dining out and Chris's grilled cheeses) = $600/month


* Maid: 7 days/week of dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, dusting, sanitizing, bed-making, and picking up displaced socks and underwear, not to mention toys in the most random places like the backs of the toilets = $620/month (A discount has been given since I currently do not have to scrub my own toilets.)


* Nanny: 3 kids, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. All their needs are met in regards to academics, development, socialization, and hygiene. I will include my chauffeur service in this fee, but I think a pretty serious bonus is in order for my wet-nursing. $6200/month


* Accounts Manager: Making sure that X (the amount going out) does not exceed Y (the amount coming in). This job has been known to require some creativity. $1000/month


* Nurse: Certified in boo-boo kissing and fever reducing. Also capable of elementary first-aid. Expert in scheduling appointments and emergent visits. Retainer fee of $200/month.


* Counselor: Go-to-girl/mommy for all advice ranging from "does this match?" to "do you think we should join the Foreign Service?" Fees are based on a sliding scale depending on the amount of research needed to advise and given under one condition: "I am right."


Based on my position as Chris's accounts manager, I have no choice but to inform him of his financial situation.


He cannot afford me.


Good thing I don't mind being paid in hugs and kisses.

And he's totally worth it!